Lotion is the magic potion!

I am all for honesty. I promise I am not an honesty hater. I mean working in retail it is always a pretty good policy to be honest to customers. When the roles are reversed in a sick, hilarious, and extremely blunt manner it makes for pretty interesting memories.

An eclectic, boisterous, chubby, red-headed, woman in her late 50's was on a serious treasure hunt for jewelry. She reminded me of someone you would hate to go into public with in fear that she would embarrass you. She was moving throughout the store with ease, plucking an earring there, another there. I added my spunky commentary on a few of her selections, and she would comment with witty praise.

We did the rhythmic retail dance for about thirty minutes, when she decided it was time to narrow her choices down. Ten different earrings of various styles, colors, and lengths laid strewn on top of the cash wrap. Once she listened to my professional advice, I began to ring her out.

Let's get something straight. Grease is made for cooking, not for rubbing on flaky parts of your skin. When I hear or even think of lotion, I imagine globs of gooey lard being rubbed into my sensitive caramel skin. Eyck! Double Eyck! Since I am anti-lotion, the official leader of the ALM (Anti Lotion Movement) my skin tends to appear dry time to time.

Her eclectic chubbiness decided we were girls in the hood, homeys. So, she decided it would be best to point out the forgotten. She leaned over and tapped the skin in between my thumb and pointer finger, and casually mentioned, "Your a little ashy." There was no intensity in her voice, no guilt for bringing it up to a stranger, just very much matter of fact.

Honestly, I was hysterically laughing inside. Oh no she didn't. She not only touched me, she told me I was ashy. WOW! I was in quiet shock. It didn't stop there. After I gave my spiel on being a bonafide lotion hater, she added, "One should never be that ashy."

Come on. Is this not outrageous. I am an ashy bystander to her honest living. Argh.